Skip to main content

Taste, Hear, Feel: On Experiencing Love

 I can still taste you,
subtle strawberry swirling
over my tongue
tangling with yours.
A sensation
I once professed
to hate
I now
chase,
crave,
let it set
my body alight.

I can still hear you:
your laugh,
your words--
cute,
soft,
beautiful
--
your moan intensifying
before going quiet
against my lips.
Every observation,
every reaction,
all echoing through my mind,
wrapping me in your warmth.  

I can still feel you,
skin on skin electrifying,
safe and snuggled beneath you,
your size dwarfing mine.  
Our bodies together--
waiting, wanting,
impatient but
perfectly in time.

It's too much,
it's not enough,
it's not what I've felt before,
it's
so
much
more.

Love...
your love...
I can still
taste it,
hear it,
feel it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Futaba Sakura: On Autism in Persona 5

     Too many people, too many sounds and sensations, too many expectations. The stale, sickening scent of decades' worth of cigarette smoke oozing from the carpets and wallpaper. Laughter and forced conversations between my husband's co-workers and senseless chatter all blurring together over blaring holiday music.     I don't remember if I even made it into the event hall. All I remember is that entry way and all the people passing by me, the smell of snow and ice and rock salt on their shoes, while I sat slumped on the floor in hysterics. Not sobs, not subtle tears. Hysterical crying, like a toddler denied a new toy. A spectacle.     A few strangers asked if I was ok but walked away when they realized I was incapable of answering. A few people who'd already had too much to drink tried to hug me or pull me towards the party, only making me recoil at their touch. My husband and my friend, Jason-- who I'd only just met at the time-- took...

But You Don't Look Autistic: On Performing Normalcy

     Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I been diagnosed with ASD as a child. Would it have helped me? Would there have been a greater understanding for the seemingly odd things I do? Or would I have been labeled and pigeon-holed? I can never know, but I do know how things have changed for me since I was diagnosed in March of this year. I now have a word for my lifelong struggles. I know why, despite years of therapy to treat my anxiety, I never really got any better. I know why it hurts to look people in the eye. I know why I can comfortably sleep with someone who is only a friend but cannot handle kissing my husband. I have a lot of answers for things that I once thought were just evidence that I was an awful person who did not deserve happiness. But I also have a lot of doubts about my future.     Quite frequently, I hear that I don't look autistic or that you'd never be able to tell I have a "problem" if I didn't mention it. Even m...